AkileM

Kitty kitty

2007-03-14T02:03:00.000+09:00

Boooouuurrnnsss. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say.

Working working, drinking wine.

My cat has come to live with me, but he's had lots of accidents on the carpet. Doh!

Life Change

2007-01-23T20:20:00.000+09:00

After years of being an unhappy, lazy student, I've now become a workaholic... and I've never been happier!

AkileM

2006-12-06T17:02:00.000+09:00

As you've noticed, I didn't get into the whole Sarah idea, but I did need a name change.

The thing is, I really didn't want one. I like the old one. I like it when my friend James calls me Meleeky. So I've just decided to put it backwards.

Now I'll have to erase any form of the old name so it can't be searched. Then I can blog in anonymity again. Hoorah!

But what do I know?

2006-12-06T16:45:00.000+09:00

I love work. So far its so much fun.

Theres nothing I hate more that getting up early in the morning, but even though I'm waking up at 6:30, I don't feel so bad about it because I look forward to work.

Its fantastic!

I'm changing my name - the launch of Sarah (I take it back)

2006-11-29T16:28:00.000+08:00

Due to the fact that I am working in a travel call centre, my name cannot be the same as someone else's, or too similar. Otherwise customers will get us mixed up all the time.

Someone already had my name, so I was given an hour or two to come up with a new one. I came up with 3 possibilities, but when I gave them in, they were already taken as well. So I panicked and said my step-sisters name; Sarah. Now I will be forever referred to as Sarah at work.

So... I've decided to change my blog to Sarah too. (No I'm not). I will be assuming a new identity as Sarah (not my step-sisters identity, a new one). (No I won't)

Here are some things you need to know about Sarah.

1. She's a bit sassy.
2. She doesn't give a shit about the stuff old AkileM used to whine about.
3. She's into living life to the fullest and learning new things.
4. Uhh... thats all I can come up with right now.

Soon I will be changing my blog address and getting a blog email for Sarah. If you'd like to be included (i.e. Jimmy, my one reader) please email me (address removed). You can do it now, or you can do it when the blog disappears, which will probably be in the next 2-7 days.

Thanks!
Sera

More to write, nothing to say.

2006-11-28T20:25:00.000+08:00

I started work this week. Its pretty cool. All I do is learn about taking holidays all day long, and going to fantastic places. Training is 3 weeks, then into the real work. I hope I'm good at it!

Update from the speed dating - I made matches with both the guys I ticked, but I haven't talked to either. I've kind of given up on dating at the moment. But of course whenever I say that (in the past) is when I meet someone new.

The ex leaves in two days. As I said to a friend of mine I'm feeling a bit sad, and a bit glad. Probably the first then the second. Although its only a couple of months which seems like an incredibly long time, and a very short time. I hope to have worked some things out by then.

I hate fucking relationships. They always end up so fucked. blergggggghhenhousen.

In other news...... I have no gossip! I'm just working now - so its not going to make for good writing, but nonetheless, I'm going to try more.

Weekend Coming.

2006-11-16T00:14:00.000+08:00

Speed dating was rather funny/weird. The guys looked okay from far away, but once I got talking to them, it was a bit fucked. Then I got their names mixed up and fucked up my marking sheet. Oh well, I just marked off a lot of them with no just in case. I think I ticked two, but I don't really care about either. I forgot to call today to see if I got any matches, but I doubt it.

Tomorrow is the wedding rehearsal. That should be rather painful. Maybe not....

Then Friday night is James' birthday. Woohoo! We're going out and getting fucked up which shall be fun.

I saw Arj Barker with the ex tonight. Meh... it was weird. I hate hanging around his friends as the ex. He's probably been bitching and shit, and it makes me even more paranoid. Plus he's acting all fake. Eh, not long to go before he goes away, and then things will be back to normal I hope. Although, I do wish he was coming to the wedding with me. Gagh

I need a smoke ...

New Job

2006-11-13T18:49:00.000+08:00

Well, I got a new job today. I guess i'm pretty pleased about that. Working in a travel call centre. I need the money and all that.

To tell you the truth, I'm missing my ex, and i fucking hate it. Its pretty obvious that he doesn't give a shit. Im tired of caring about someone who doesn't feel the same way.

I've being trying to date more to get over it. I had a date yesterday with this American guy from Sydney. It was rather fun. We had some adventures. Then I got a call from the Speed Dating people saying they need a girl for tomorrow night, and it will be free if I go along. So! I'll be doing that tomorrow night. I hope it's not all losers. Like me :)

BLah, I miss living alone.

2006-11-09T10:23:00.000+08:00

What can I say? This is fucking gay.

Weeshy's Hen Night

2006-11-05T16:08:00.000+08:00

One of my best friends, Aliesha, had her Hen night last night. It was very funny and heaps of fun. We had a waiter in a G-string serving us, and later a fireman stripper. We then went out to a couple of clubs/bars/strip joints and got really really drunk.

As a bridesmaid I had to write a speech to give. Instead, I made a two silly movies that I played on the projecter. They went down really well and had everyone laughing.

Thinking back on the night, I realised that I felt a bit more like myself again. Over the past year, I've had this strange feeling like I've lost my own personality... and I think some of it had to do with my relationship, and hanging around with people who don't really interact with me. Or... we can't really be fucked communicating with each other. Or we don't have anything in common. I'm not sure really what it is... but last night I realised that it was something that has been fucking my confidence and individuality up. Which in itself is strange and disappointing. I don't want to be weak...

I was beginning to get scared that I wouldn't get it back. But last night I was being silly, cracking jokes, talking with people who actually responded and asked questions and just generally had a normal but great time. I think I will avoid the other situations from now on.
Meh... I don't know if I'm getting the idea of what I'm trying to say across.

Anyhoo, in other news I cut my hair recently. It looks pretty fucking gay. I'll just have to wait for it to grow out.

2006-10-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

I have been drinking!

I miss the feeling more than the object.

2006-10-08T13:50:00.000+08:00

I've gone from being really excited about something, to losing interest. I miss the feeling more than the object. I want it back. I want the excitement, the interest, the nervousness.

I don't know if it will come back....

Fantastic weekend! Who cares if I'm too old for this shit.

2006-10-02T17:34:00.000+08:00

Well after a shit week I ended up having a pretty fucking great weekend.

Friday afternoon was weird. I was in a despondant mood and was in the company of a friend which wasn't a good idea. But after that I got a call from James who was up for some drinks and partying, so I made him come over post haste and we went out for some Gold Plated Thai and talked of Gold Plated vaginas. I had a green vegetable curry which was absolutely fantastic. I couldn't stop eating even when I was full and almost puked with James' erratic driving to the bottle shop. After a bit of gurgling around the corners I felt better and we went back to his to settle into a bottle of wine. We then convinced his roommates and friend to come out with us, taking the train into Northbridge.

We headed over the Bar Open which had just reopened and now had two floors. The top floor was Drum & Bass, while the bottom floor was Breaks. The music was great and James and I busted a move upstairs for ages. We were surrounded by a very young crowd, but I'm pretty sure we were the few not on pills, so everyone was super friendly. Later, James and I were accosted by a young drug fucked version of Sick Boy from trainspotters.
He was totally off his nut and was talking shit. I told him I was from Kazakstan. Then I fixed his phone. He offered us meth. We said no. We left about 3:30 and took a taxi back to James for smokes and drinks and to talk shit. Fun as always and I as home by 5am for a sleep. It was about this time that the green curry made its second appearance and I had to hold onto the wall for support. Good times...

I "slept" for about 2 hours and felt like shit, but couldn't be bothered sitting around, so I went over to JBJ's to watch the football. I watched the last quarter of the grand final, which is the most football I've ever watched in my entire life. It was rather exciting and I actually got into it, and was glad the Eagles won. Not overly spastic happy as I'm not a real fan. More the kind of happy you get when you find $20 bucks in your pocket. Or you turn on the tv to a random channel on a hangover Sunday and find something old school is on, like Groundhog Day or Super Troopers. And then you're like "Yes! Thats excellent".

Then I went home, showered, and met up with Danica, David and French Alex for a triple party play. The first two were a bit boring, but the third was pretty massive. JBJ was there, with a lot of the comedy crew, and we all seemed to meet up just as we all got pretty trashed. We hit the dance floor and made asses of ourselves, which was fantastic, and then went out the front for a smoke.

Danica lost her favourite ring in the grass. In the dark we were on our knees for about 2 hours trying to find it. The night looked to be ruined. The mood deflated. Cut down in the prime of the party. Then... out of the darkened grass, JBJ appeared with the ring in his hand. Danica screamed, we all couldn't believe it. We jumped for joy. We again hit the dance floor and went nuts. It was very very funny.

At about 4am we took a taxi to Geisha. The boss gave us a massive bar card, but French Alex and Danica weren't up for more drinking, so JBJ and I had to make the use of it. We got messed up, and later passed out. I had the worst hang over in history.

It was a fucking fantastic weekend!

Listening to: Phenomena and HoneyBear - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

My Heart's a Mess

2006-09-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

Work was fine... they gave me a $50 bar tab, so I used that up and had a pretty good time. The I had to walk about 500 km to find a taxi since everyone was trying to get one at the same time. I ended up at the Ambar and had to jump one to get in before 3 other groups of people. Exciting stuff.

On Friday night I bumped into JBJ's sister and told her that we'd broken up. She was pretty shocked and kinda freaked out and left. It was very very weird. But then later I saw her outside when we were having a smoke and she said she was just surprised and everything was fine. We hung out a couple of days later, so i think its all okay. We became good friends over the last couple of years, so I think we'll stay friends which is nice.

I think JBJ has finally told people about us splitting up. Its been about 3-4 weeks now. Its very strange. We still talk every day, but have only seen each other once. We're supposed to meet up tomorrow, which will be alright. I miss him.... but I know its the right decision. I also still find him incredibly hot which is difficult.

I'm a bit all over the place at the moment.
Things are happening, life is speeding off without me.
I feel like I'm holding on with my fingertips as it races by.
I don't trust anyone. I don't trust myself. I don't trust my own feelings.
I can't quite pin myself down to work out what I'm thinking, or why.
Sometimes I'm incredibly happy, and other times I feel like death and can't hold it in.
At Gotye would say, my Heart's a Mess.

This has been one of the worst years of my life.
Maybe this is the turning point to the upside?

I think I'm going to commit myself to thinking that.
I'm on my way up, and out of this shit.

Blast from the Past

2006-09-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

I'm going to work in about 40 minutes. I'm talking about Geisha nightclub work - which incidently I quit ... over a year and a half ago... but they were short on staff so I'm filling in. I've done this twice before (maybe three times?) for the extra moolah, but every time I get ready to go, I swear to myself that I'll never do it again. And then for the first hour in the bar I feel like a total retardo - I'm way too old to still be working there - even if it is only a "one" off.

Anyway, I'm going through the same routine and it brought me back to the good old blogging days, when working at the club would always provide something interesting to write the next day. I miss my old blog. I admit that I'm too chicken shit to republish it again (it still all here) because the shit I used to write about - ohh la la! Hrmm, I seemed to have misplaced my testicles.

So I felt like reopening this blog, which is actually Melika blog number 3, as it has the least rude shit on it. Although I do notice a lot of whining, but I doubt that'll change :) And the reason I took it down has resolved itself, so I'm happy about that.

On a completely different topic, I went out with my friend James last night. We started off at the Brisbane and then headed to Ambar. We had a great night out - I got a little drunk - and I chewed his ear off about all sorts of topics just like the good old days. Unfortunately I was pretty fucked up all day today, and as soon as I pulled myself together, I realised it was time to go out and work, so decided I deserved a glass of wine for my wonderous efforts.

So, working at Geisha again. I won't know any of the current staff, except the 2IC called Caleb. He's a super hotty, but we're such good friends its gone past the consideration stage. Plus, I love asking him about his sex life and trying as hard as I can to pry any information out of him that I can. This is next to impossible as he is rather private. I'll have to work on that.......
That sounds like i'm a total gossip, but its really more about curiousity. I'm so curious about other people and the way they think, why they think that way, yadda yadda. Perhaps I should have studied psychology rather than anthropology.

This stream of consciousness is getting rather long. Training Day is on TV. I know a lot of people didn't really like that movie, but I personally thought it was great. It'd be up there on my list...

I need a smoke.

Oh well, we'll see if this continues,
Bye bye.

2006-07-13T11:11:00.000+08:00

I think I've become a whiny little bitch. This always happens when I've been in a relationship too long. Something about being single makes me so much stronger and happier.... I don't know what it is.

Ooh Conan.

2006-07-10T14:44:00.000+08:00

I'm such a depressive person really... there should be no surprise why I don't want to break up with my boyfriend.

Having someone to make you happy, despite the arguements and crazy annoying shit, is pretty lucky. My boyfriend is such a happy, funny guy - sometimes I need him to pull me out of my depressive bullshit. I should be more grateful.

Breaking up is hard to do.

2006-07-10T11:44:00.000+08:00

I broke up with my boyfriend on Saturday..... it didn't stick.
I don't know why I caved, our relationship is pretty doomed, he's not going to change. But I guess I still love him, so it makes it next to impossible.

Although its the beginning of the end :(

Thesis

2006-07-05T18:15:00.000+08:00

I can't really get started on this thesis I'm writing on Islamic Feminism.

I don't want to write it like a usual essay, but longer. I want to write it with a bit of personality, flair and passion, as well as being logical and definitive. I guess I just need to start, to get into the flow.... having the tv on doesn't help.

Gagh.

Why do I have so many hits?

2006-07-03T13:40:00.000+08:00

I have so many hits because this blog is a continuation from a blog that is now hidden. The blog was called The Double Life of La Femme Melika. Someday I hope to republish it, but for now it is too incriminating. I stopped that blog at about 39,000 hits. I doubt this one will be as popular.

Get comfortable with your ugly.

2006-06-26T13:43:00.000+08:00

I was just watching Conan O'Brien, and Tyrese Gibson was on talking about how he doesn't agree with cosmetic surgery. I usually hate it when great looking people say shit like that. Not that I agree with cosmetic surgery, but thats like a rich person saying money isn't everything.

Anyway, he then said that you need to "get comfortable with your ugly", and i thought it was rather funny.... and poignant.

Tyrese Gibson.

2006-06-18T22:43:00.000+08:00

Things have gotten so much more shitter, socially, for me in the past 6 months.
To begin, my best friend told me he loved me. I knew him from university, but I was also friends with his roommate's girlfriend from work. Over time I had become friends with all their friends and was part of the group.... There was always a certain chemistry between us, and I will admit to wondering if I should follow through and find out if our friendship would work out as a relationship. However, I have a boyfriend who I am in love with, and the timing just wasn't right. So I told him we could only be friends. He said he understood and that it wouldn't ruin our friendship.

A month later was my birthday. He said we should all go for dinner and then out afterwards. When I booked a place and invited them all, he said he couldn't afford to go and would go out for drink afterwards. My best friend? I was pissed off and told him so. The rest of them made excuses and didn't turn up. He didn't end up coming out afterwards either, and stopped talking to me altogether for a couple of weeks. My birthday was ruined and I felt totally dejected.

He eventually apologised and said it had gotten too much for him. He couldn't be my friend anymore. Since the rest of the group were closer to him I could no longer see any of them socially as I had before. 4 months on and I still hardly see any of them. I occasionally see the girl from work, but thats only about once a month. She had her birthday on Friday and I saw him and talked to him a bit, but he acted as though he didn't really know me, avoiding me, and I felt horrible. Part of me misses him terribly. Part of me hates him for hurting me so much and I don't think I can get over it. I can understand the situation he is in, but i have lost all my friends because of it.

My ex-boyfriend, who I was engaged to briefly, told me he is getting married. Marrying a girl doing her phD in anthropology. They were friends, but have gotten together becasue they want to settle down. They want to have kids right away. They haven't even lived together before. He hasn't discussed the reason why we broke up with her - due to him not having a sex drive - and still tells me he loves me?!?! I don't say it back. I was too hurt from the ending of our relationship. I tried everything to save it.... he didn't try at all... He didn't want to break up and tried to get back with me a few times over the years.
My closest family understood, but they all really liked him. He went out socially with my aunt and uncle who tried to find him a new girlfriend. He was dating someone within a couple of months. All his friends thought I was a bitch who broke up with him for no reason - I couldn't exactly tell them the truth - and no one seems to understand how much it hurt me, changed me. I was going to marry this guy! I tried for 4 years to find a solution...

One night my stepbrother-in-law made a joke about how I tricked him into coming to Australia and then dumped him like a heartless bitch. I was so insulted, angry and upset that I threw a wine glass at the wall and walked off. Things are now weird with him and my stepsister. I don't see them as much as I used to.

I see some of my old friends now. The group I used to hang out with are cool, but they are all into nerd-gaming and I'm not. It makes it difficult. They're all guys... I don't really see them regularly. I don't know what they think of me.... I see another friend on weekends, but he used to like me as more than a friend, and it makes it weird now and then. I need more friends who are girls....

My boyfriend is too young for me. 4 years younger, still partying around and not interested in "settling" down. Not that I necessaily am, but I'm getting to the age where I'd like to see it as a possibility with the person I am with. I know he loves me, but we really don't have much in common. Sometimes I mention that we should go our separate ways, but he doesn't want to. I am still in love with him, so neither do I. But really.... its time to shit or get off the pot.

I don't know whats happening. I have gone through these stages a few times in my life, where everything changes.... I feel like total shit, and if I wasn't taking dexies all the time for study I know I'd be totally depressed.

I'm not afraid of being alone.... but breakups are hard and I don't think I could handle it while I have no one to fall back on. I should just say fuck it, and start anew. FUCK - things suck. Everything is comlicated and I just want to leave the country. Escape to somewhere different where other things are more important... like the basics. I need to go help people in real need to take my mind off this social bullshit.

Where are these men?

2006-04-13T12:16:00.000+08:00

I know how guys are. They think about sex all the time. They look at women and see them as objects for fulfilling their gratification. If they get married they don't stay faithful. They cheat and they see it as their entitlement as a man. A woman's right to sex is always secondary.

There are always exceptions. There is always the man who is sweet, generous, kind and puts a women on a pedestal. This man would never cheat, always be faithful, always think of the woman that he's with and never even consider cheating. This is the man that women are always looking for, the men who are the treasure in the Sex and the City treasure hunt. The men that other men say do not exist.

The funny thing is, these are the only men that I have been with.

After watching shows like Entourage, The Mind of the Married Man, American Pie, and virtually every other male driven movie out there, I start to get a little confused. Which is the reality. Am I just lucky? Is it an American cultural thing? Is it a generational thing?
Where are these men?

The same old mundane crap?

2006-01-22T21:24:00.000+08:00

Tooth infection...